DM and Penfold live chat
by scuderia tifosi
Summary: Reboot. What if the show had a live chat like the Marco live chat?
1. Cruise Ship

**Author's Note: Due to the fact that the author does not have regular online access nor sufficient time nor opportunity to either use the computer or watch certain episodes, requests will be unavailable till further notice.**

**A/N: The usernames below are fictional. Any resemblance to real usernames is purely coincidental.**

**This chapter takes place after Danger At C Level.**

**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

SCENE - THE DECK OF THE CRUISE SHIP. DM AND PENFOLD HAD SINCE WENT THROUGH THE FUSION MACHINE TO SEPARATE THEMSELVES AND THE HANDHELD GAMING DEVICE. THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY BACK. HE IS WEARING THE CAPTAIN'S PEAKED CAP AND DANGER INFLATABLE SWIM TRUNKS FROM EARLIER, IN THE SAME MANNER A CERTAIN ITALIAN PLUMBER MIGHT SOMEDAY WEAR A CAPTAIN'S PEAKED CAP AND BOXER SHORTS IN A FUTURE VIDEO GAME. PENFOLD IS WEARING THE SAILOR'S OUTFIT AND SITTING ON A DECK CHAIR IN THE BACKGROUND.

"Welcome to today's live chat with yours truly, and Penfold." Penfold put down his handheld and waved at the camera while DM turned on the iPatch.

"Now let's see who's asking. GQ_Terry over here says, Nice hat. Well, thank you, GQ_Terry."

"pinetree here asks, are you Bill Cipher? Well, pinetree, no, I am not Bill Cipher, nor do I know him, let alone heard of him."

"escalade here asks, have you played Midtown Madness 2? It has a London level. Well escalade, no, I have not played Midtown Madness 2, nor have heard of it, but I will look it up." He then searched online with the iPatch and placed an order.

"Here's a question I'd like to ask. What is 'shipping'? Send in your answers. I'd like to hear them."

"comeyjames says, shipping is the movement of people and goods on ships. Very funny, comeyjames."

"swagger says, shipping is just like matchmaking, without the actual matchmaking. Thank you, swagger, for your answer."

"stanbucks asks, what do you think of coffee joints that pop up everywhere? I don't have an issue with that, but seriously, there's too many of them. Personally, I would rather have more tea rooms spring up around the neighborhood."

"I have another question to ask. What is your greatest acheivement? a_miz-" he pronounced miz as three initials, as he did not think it was a single word. "-says, I fought a man-eating shark and won. I don't know how to say this, but you shouldn't brag."

"theshoemaker says, I once won a race by default because everyone else crashed out and weren't able to continue. Good one, theshoemaker."

"dudleypup here says, I once participated in a competition where everyone except Verminious Snaptrap won. Nice one. dudleypup."

The ship's horn then sounded, signalling the approach to port. "Well that concludes this live chat. We need to get back to HQ, and clean up the colonel's office. Goodbye for now, and thanks for the questions."

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	2. The Lab

**Authors Note: This chapter takes place during Very Important Penfold.**

**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

SCENE - INE SQUAWKENCLUCK'S LAB. DM IS WEARING A CHAUFFEUR'S CAP. SQUAWKENCLUCK IS STANDING IN THE BACKGROUND.

"Welcome to today's live chat with yours truly, and the professor." Squawkencluck waved at the camera. "Penfold is getting ready to attend his namesake awards."

Squawkencluck then told DM, "All questions and answers, as well as usernames will be uploaded to your iPatch. The system will be on-line in 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1."

"Now let's see who's asking. GQ_Terry over here says, Nice hat. Well, thank you, GQ_Terry."

"freerunner asks, have you ever tried parkour? It's liberating. Well, I've never done it, let alone heard of it, but I will consider it."

"svensdottir asks, have you ever tried CrossFit? Well, I never heard of it, but I will look it up." He then went online and then signed up for the CrossFit games.

"theshoemaker asks, what is your cornering technique? Is it smooth and easy? Flinging the front end aggresively? Or throttle-steering? I didn't even know it is possible to even steer with the throttle, or the fact that there are steering techniques, let alone three of them. Since I don't do smooth and easy, I'd say I would hurl the nose of the Danger Car into the turn and power through. I might consider throttle-steering sometime."

"I wouldn't recommend that." said Squawkencluck. "Throttle-steering requires the knowledge of setting up the car. And even though I know how to set up the Mark IV, I wouldn't even consider steering with the throttle. Wouldn't risk jepardizing any mission."

"Speaking of which, I'd like to ask another question. What is your cornering technique? Send in your answers. That was fast. theshoemaker says he steers with the throttle. fast_ed says he hurls the front end aggresively. webbo says he goes smooth and easy. lewis says he blips the throttle. skidmark here says he can blip the throttle faster than anybody. Well, thanks for all your answers."

"theshoemaker has another question. He or she asks, how quick is your starting ability? Be it on foot or in the car. Well, I didn't even know that starting speed can be measured, let alone exist. Therefore I can't provide an answer. As for the Danger Car, since Squawkencluck made it, I shall let her answer that. Take it away, Squawks."

"The Mark IV is optimized for realiability, and that includes an anti-stall system and launch control. As for starting speed, I can't claim it's anywhere within the realm of the Renault F1 cars. Hope it answers your question, theshoemaker."

"shootingstar asks, what was going on in your mind when Squawkencluck electrified the door handle of the HQ and zapped you? Think you're referring to this." A clip from Frankensquawk's monster started playing. "Well, I had the strangest dream of riding in the air on a flying dolphin with muscular arms instead of flippers. Think it had a Japanese name. It then sprouted a second head, and their mouths opened, revealing two more arms. Then all four hands fired rainbow blasts or something."

The horn of the limo then sounded. "Well that concludes this live chat. I need to get changed, and to get Penfold to his award show." She then tossed him the chauffeur's uniform, and he put it on. "Goodbye for now, and thanks for the questions."

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	3. The Colonel's Office

**Author's Note: This chapter takes place during Colonel Danger Mouse.**

**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

SCENE - IN THE COLONEL'S OFFICE, WITH DM'S PICTURE TAPED OVER THE COLONEL'S. DM IS IN A BLUE SUIT SITTING BEHIND THE COLONEL'S DESK. PENFOLD AND SQUAWKENCLUCK ARE STANDING IN FRONT. ALL ARE FACING THE CAMERA.

"Welcome to today's live chat with yours truly, the professor, and Penfold. Colonel K is away on vacation and I have taken it upon myself, as the lead agent, to fill in until he returns."

Squawkencluck then told DM, "All questions and answers, as well as usernames will be uploaded to your iPatch. The system will be on-line in 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1."

"Now let's see who's asking. GQ_Terry over here says, Nice suit. Well, thank you, GQ_Terry."

"starcofan asks, have you seen a Latino-"

"It's La-ti-no." corrected Squawkencluck.

"A La-ti-no teen and a blonde magical princess travelling through your dimension by opening portals with a pair of magical scissors? Well, no. I have not seen them, but no one should be running around with scissors of any kind. Nevertheless, thanks to starcofan for the tip-off. I'll keep a lookout."

"moravskyfan asks, have you considered participating in Ninja Warrior? Well, I've never heard of it, but I will consider it." He then went on-line using the iPatch, did his research, and signed up. "Ooh, an Ultra Crazy Cliffhanger. I'd like to try that."

"I can make one." added Squawkencluck.

"loudlinc asks, after you dropped off Penfold at his namesake awards, why did you keep the chauffeur's cap on longer than the rest of that uniform? Think you're referring to this. He then played a video clip, which showed the scene where he vented to Squawkencluck 'bout being referred to as Penfold's driver. "Actually,... I don't know why. My bad." Squawkencluck then left to get the paperwork.

"bucktoothtimmy asks, you're not exactly a hat person, are you? Well bucktoothtimmy, I only wear these when the situation calls for it. But sometimes, I keep them on a little longer."

"gucky (the username was actually spelled gucci, but DM thought it was pronounced gucky) asks, do you dab? Well, no, I don't, nor have I heard of it, but I'll look it up."

"xanderfan asks, what species is the narrator? Penfold will answer that. Take it away, Penfold."

The dimunitive hamster then spoke. "I can say for sure that the narrator is hairier then we thought. I can't confirm or deny that he is a human. All I can say is that he is er... humanoid."

She then returned with a tall pile of documents and put it on the desk. "Well that concludes this live chat. I need to get some paperwork done, and some Earl Grey. Goodbye for now, and thanks for the questions."

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	4. West of London

**Author's Note: This chapter takes place after A Fistful Of Penfolds.**

**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

SCENE - PROFESSOR SQUAWKENCLUCK'S TOP SECRET TESTING FACILITY, THE SO-CALLED PENFOLD CITY. THE AGENTS ARE ON THEIR WATER BREAK. DM IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA, WEARING THE HAT FROM EARLIER. PROFESSOR SQUAWKENCLUCK IS STANDING HALFWAY BETWEEN HIM AND COLONEL K AND PENFOLD, WHO ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF A SEEMINGLY REBUILT SALOON. SHE AND COLONEL K ARE WEARING HATS FROM EARLIER. ALL ARE FACING THE CAMERA.

"Welcome to another live chat with me, the professor, everybody's favorite hamster, and the colonel. We are in the midst of rebuilding Squawk's top-secret testing facility, and decomissioning all the Tenfold robots. We are now on our water break."

"Earlier, Colonel K was putting the Danger Horse through its paces." said the professor. She then told DM, "All questions and answers, as well as usernames will be uploaded to your iPatch. The system will be on-line in 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1."

"Now let's see who's asking. GQ_Terry over here says, Nice hat. Well, thank you, GQ_Terry."

"a_miz-" He pronouced the word miz as three initials, as he did not think that it was a single word. "-here asks, why did you cover your eye when young Squawkencluck took off your iPatch? I think he was referring to this." A video clip then started playing on the upper-right corner of his half of the screen, showing the scene from the episode when Squawkencluck got young. "Actually, er... my eye... er... has been, ... er... covered for so long that I just didn't feel comfortable when it's exposed. Hope it answers your question, a m.i.z." He let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of his head while he grinned sheepishly.

"starcofan asks, what do you think of laser puppies? Well, we already have enough problems with Tenfold robots destroying anything, so we're not at all enthusiastic about puppies with lasers."

"theshoemaker asks, how's your driving ability in the wet? Well, since I come from a country where it rains as often as it shines, being able to drive in the wet isn't exactly a choice. Hope it answers your question."

"iandmfan asks, did you really manage to contain the explosion from Crumhorn's missile with an electrified net? Ian, I know it's you, and you already have the answer."

"Here's a question for Squawks," he said as she walked towards the camera. "bucktoothtimmy asks, Professor, why did you choose a hat that's too small for your head?"

Squawkencluck then popped up next to DM. "Well, I couldn't find one that fits my head size, and besides, I'm not really a hat person. Hope it answers your question, bucktoothtimmy."

"gucky (the username was actually spelled gucci, but DM thought it was pronounced gucky) asks, have you ever considered doing a parody of the opening sequence of King Of The Hill? Well, today is your lucky day. Earlier today, on another water break, we did exactly that. Here's the video." He said as a video started playing on the upper right corner of the screen. It showed him, with the hat, and a water bottle in hand, greeting the colonel, Penfold, and the professor, each having a bottle in hand, and, with the exception of the dimunitive hamster, wearing a hat. DM then opened his bottle, and everything went fast foward, with the numerous Tenfold robots running around.

The Tenfold robots then started running around again. "Well, that concludes this live chat. We need to round up the robots, and fix that hole in the fake sky. Goodbye for now, and thanks for the questions."

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	5. DM and Squawkencluck Live Chat

**Author's Note: This chapter takes place after Melted.**

**All rights belong to their respective owners.**

SCENE - THE SCREEN IS SPLIT INTO TWO VERTICAL HALVES. ON THE LEFT, DM IS IN THE LIVING ROOM, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. HE IS WEARING THE HAT FROM MELTED. ON THE RIGHT HALF OF THE SCREEN, SQUAWKENCLUCK IS SEEN IN HER LAB, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA.

"Welcome to today's live chat with yours truly. Prefessor Squawkencluck is standing by in the lab."

"The other Danger Agents are starting their search for Mr. Snuggles and to find and dismantle the machine so we won't have another ice age." Added Squawkencluck. She then told DM, "All questions and answers, as well as usernames will be uploaded to your iPatch. I will be reading through a tele-prompter. The system will be on-line in 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1."

"Now let's see who's asking. GQ_Terry over here says, Nice hat. Well, thank you, GQ_Terry."

"Over here we have kateames? a-mes?" He tried to pronouce the username, which was Kate Ames put together. "She says, did you realize you just made history, as the first baritone and the first bass-baritone to assume the male lead in a play or musical? No, I... did not know that. But now I do and I feel great."

"Speaking of which, I would like to ask one question. What is a baritone? And what has it got to do with lead roles? Anyone with answers? Just send these in. "He then flapped his gums, out of boredom. "Any second now."

"Oh, I got one. lovevagner just sent an answer. He says, Baritone is a voice range. It means heavy-sounding in Greek. The range sits between Bass and Tenor. Since kateames? kate-a-mes said that I am a bass-baritone, then technically, I am between voice ranges. lovevagner also says that male lead, heroic roles are usually given to tenors. So, Bumpsydaisy was a tenor? I didn't know that before. Nevertheless, thanks to kateames... kate-a-mes for her input and to lovevagner for his... or her answer. That brings me to another question. Which voice range is the deepest sounding?"

"lovevagner again sent another answer. He says bass has the lowest pitch of the three. Thank you again, lovevagner."

"smedley says, Fernando is faster than you. Can you confirm you have received the message?" He looked puzzled. "Who's Fernando? And why is he faster than me?"

"coracora asks, what do you think of the protrayal of London in Mortal Engines?"

"I will answer that." said Squawkencluck. "We did not take it well at all. As a matter of fact, we were offended. The entire Danger Agency even held picket lines and protested outside the theater."

"a_miz-" DM pronounced miz as three separate initials, as he didn't think miz was a single word. "-asks, have you ever done a mike drop? Well, I've never done such a thing, let alone heard of it. And besides, the professor doesn't appreciate me breaking such equipment."

"clydethebride asks, why didn't your iPatch glow when Squawkencluck uploaded the lyrics of Under The Northern Lights?"

"I will answer that." said Squawkencluck. "The iPatch only glows when it receives a video feed. Hopes it answers your question, clydethebride."

DM then noticed the time. "Well that concludes this live chat. We need to get some hot chocolate with steamed milk, and some shut-eye. Goodbye for now, and thanks for the questions."

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